San Andreas Weirdness
by NonSequiturs-R-Us
Summary: Inspired by a dream I once had. Sam Richardson and his family are on their way to San Fierro for a family reunion and a little relaxation. Little do they know that this trip will be far from relaxing... DISCONTINUED


**San Andreas Weirdness**

Inspired by a dream I once had. It gets better, trust me.

**All Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas related material is property of Rockstar North and Rockstar Games. The Richardson's and all of their related material is property of me.**

A red Perennial station wagon pulled into the Ganton district in Los Santos, San Andreas. Behind the wheel sat a man in his late forties. This was Sam Richardson. To his right was his wife Charlotte, in a beautiful sun dress. Behind her were the family's two children; Matt, who was twelve, and Emily, who was nine. The family was here in sunny San Andreas, California for a family reunion and also for a relaxing vacation away from their home in Lincoln, Nebraska. Little did they know that this vacation would not be so relaxing…

Sam and his wife Charlotte were studying a map of Los Santos.

"Well, the guy down the street said that this was the best way to get to San Fierro from the Los Santos airport, dear," said Sam turning towards his wife.

"Yeah, but do we have to travel through this neighborhood? This area of town doesn't look to be the most welcoming".

"Oh honey, these districts have all the natural charm of the big cities. I remember my dad bringing me here to Los Santos when I was five. Things were pretty good back then".

"Yeah, and we can see how much of it has changed". Charlotte gestured out the window, obviously appalled with how rundown the place looked.

"Well dear, I tried booking us on the flight to San Fierro, but it was booked solid. The tickets to Los Santos were the cheapest they had. So what if we arrived in this area and we have to take the highway? You like the countryside and there will be plenty of it between here and San Fierro".

"Well you got me there". Charlotte smiled at her husband.

"Just a few more miles and we'll be at the highway".

_BLAM!_

"What was that daddy?" asked Emily.

"Nothing to worry about sweetie, just a flat tire".

Sam slowed the Perennial to a stop and got out to inspect the right front tire. "Damn, the rental car place is not going to like this". He kicked at the tire in frustration. "And no way to fix it either…".

"Honey, what's wrong?" Charlotte leaned her head out the window.

"We just ran over a pot hole and blew a tire. You and the kids stay in the car while I go knock on one of these doors and see if anyone can help us". Sam gestured to a group of row houses.

"You be careful, ya hear?"

"I will, dear".

Meanwhile, not too far away from where the Richardson's car broke down, Carl 'CJ' Johnson was jogging down the street in the direction of his Ganton hideout. He had just finished wasting some Ballas with some of his homies, and was on his way back to the hideout to rest. He would be driving there if he hadn't lost his car in the firefight. Didn't matter to him anyway, as it was a beat-up old Clover that he had stolen from some hick in Blueberry. "_Left him jumping up and down by the side of the road_," CJ thought as he smiled. "_Looked pretty damn mad too. Aw, I did him a favor by stealing that piece of junk. I'll get something better for when I pick up Katie for our date tomorrow. Maybe an Infernus or a Cheetah_".

He continued jogging down the street to his Ganton hideout. Once he managed to get those Ballas scumbags out of the neighborhood, it was safe to go back for the most part. Plus, he needed the exercise. But after jogging for twenty minutes nonstop, he was ready for a break. As he rounded the corner, he noticed a red Perennial in the middle of the street with a flat tire, and some guy banging on the doors of a couple of row houses. CJ laughed to himself as he caught his breath while he watched the poor guy get yelled at every time he knocked on a door. "_Must be an out-of-towner_," CJ thought.

"But I just want some help fixing a flat tire!" Sam yelled. "Is that too much to ask in this neighborhood!"

"Get the hell out of here! We don't want your kind around here anyway, whether you're an out-of-towner or not!" replied a big guy with rippling muscles that could be seen under his shirt. "And get the hell off of my property!"

He slammed his door with such force that a hanging plant came loose from the porch roof and came crashing down at Sam's feet. He thought it wise not to aggravate the man any further and decided to try his luck down the street at a couple of single homes.

"Honey, I'm going to try these houses over here!" Sam yelled to his wife.

"Okay!" Charlotte shouted back.

The house that Sam tried first had a Pony and a Sabre parked out front. Also, leaning up against the house were three BMX bicycles. He knocked on the door and a guy with a muscle shirt came out.

"Um, excuse me. You wouldn't mind helping me with my car, would you? You see, my family and I are going to be vacationing in San Fierro, and we blew a tire on our way to the highway. Do you have a jack that we could borrow for a couple of minutes?"

"No," was the response.

"Oh, so do you think that you could help me change it then?"

"No".

"Then what do you suggest?"

"_Boy, this guy's just asking for trouble_," CJ thought as he watched the situation unfold from across the street.

The man took a step forward out of his house. Sam noticed that this guy also had rippling muscles under his shirt. Did everyone work out in this district?

"I said 'what do you suggest'?" repeated Sam.

"I suggest that you get the hell off of my property before I open up a can of Whoop-Ass on your sorry ass". The man took a threatening step forward which made Sam shrink back a little. He then walked back into his house and slammed the door, muttering something about out-of-towners and their lack of brains. This time, nothing fell crashing to the porch. Sam retreated down the steps and made his way back to the car. CJ noticed the BMXs leaning up against the man's house.

"I could use one of those to get back home at my leisure. Maybe even stop by Denise's to see how she's doing. Those guys won't mind if I snag one when they're not looking". He was referring to Sam who was making his way back to the car, and to the guy that had already gone back inside his house. CJ made his way over to the BMXs and climbed onto one just as Sam turned around to take a final look at that guy's house. He saw CJ start to petal the bike away.

"Excuse me, but what do you think you're doing?"

"What does it look like? I'm stealing this guy's bike".

"No you're not".

"And what makes you say that?"

"Because I won't let you".

"Ha ha, really? You're really going to prevent me from stealing this guy's bike after how he treated you? I saw what happened".

"It's the principle of the thing. I'm not going to let you steal that bike, no matter what that guy did to me, nor anyone else for that matter".

"Ha, I'd like to see you try".

And with that, CJ began to petal away down the street.

"Get back here!" Sam started to run after him.

"Look fool, I don't know who you are but you're not going to catch me".

"We'll see about that". Sam immediately picked up speed and ran after CJ on the BMX down the street. CJ looked over his shoulder and saw that Sam was a few feet behind him.

"Damn! How can you be so fast! You look like you're in your fifties".

"Forties to be exact," breathed Sam. "I was also captain of my high school and college track team. I did the 100-meter dash in twelve seconds".

"Damn, you're must have been some kind of a human blur. Ever think about entering in the Olympics?"

"Tried that once and they kicked me out for getting too friendly with the ladies, if you know what I mean".

CJ laughed. "Yeah, I know what you mean".

Amazingly, Sam was almost upon CJ and he was pedaling with all his might. He could have done better, but he was tired from his fight with the Ballas.

"Look, can we deal with this some other day?"

"No. I'm not going to let you get away".

"Suit yourself". CJ picked up speed, and was about to get away when the bike blew a tire on a pot hole.

_BLAM!_

CJ flew over the handlebars, did a perfect somersault in mid-air, and landed on his ass a few feet from the bike. Sam breathlessly caught up to him, hands on his hips. CJ shakily got up at went over to the mangled bike, only to find Sam resting his foot on the frame.

"Look, fool…"

"Sam".

"Alright, look Sam, I really don't want to have to fight you for that bike".

"Go ahead, I was also captain of my college boxing team".

"Man, you were really into sports weren't you?"

"I had to do something to keep my mind off of schoolwork".

"Yeah, I hear you".

"Honey, I watched the whole thing unfold!" shouted Charlotte from the passenger window of the Perennial. "I just phoned the police and they should be here any minute!" She was shouting at the top of her lungs, but CJ and Sam could barely hear her, seeing as how they were both a great distance from the car.

"Great, just great…your wife had to go call the cops on me. Well, I better get a move on before the fuzz shows up," said CJ.

"What? You're not going anywhere," said Sam.

"Ah well, now that I got my breath back, I'm feeling much better now…So see ya!"

CJ made a mad dash for his Ganton hideout. Sam started to run after him, but was stopped by his wife's voice, which was barely audible.

"Sam, where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going after this guy. When the police show up, just point them in the direction I went," Sam yelled back.

He took off after CJ and quickly realized that he was far ahead of him.

"Damn, I can't believe that this guy is outrunning me," panted Sam as he ran after CJ. "You would think that with all those heavy clothes on, this guy wouldn't get very far". He was referring to the fact that CJ had on a green hoodie with matching jeans. "Plus, I did terrific on my track team. It's probably just fatigue brought on by running after the guy on that bike. I'll stay back a good distance so as not to let him know he's being followed".

Sam followed CJ all the way to his hideout, but didn't go up to the house. Instead, he crouched down behind some bushes across the street and waited for the police to arrive. There were some scary-looking people in the area and Sam thought it wise not to aggravate any of them. "Better let the police handle the situation," he said to himself. Soon enough, two police cars pulled up in front of the house and two officers got out of each one. CJ peeked through the blinds in front of the window, and saw the police officers checking out the area.

"Damn, this is not looking good," muttered CJ. "Maybe I can distract them by firing a handgun out the back window, and make it sound like somebody got shot. Then when the police go check on it, I can make my getaway. CJ went to a desk drawer and pulled out a Desert Eagle handgun. He then went into the kitchen, opened up a window, and fired the gun out of it into the air. He then yet out a mournful wail, trying to sound like someone got shot. The officers heard the shot and immediately ran to the back of the house where they saw some Ballas that had wandered into the area. Thinking that one of them had fired the shot, the officers took off after the group who ran down the street upon seeing the officers themselves. CJ took this opportunity to make his escape. From his hiding spot in the bushes across the street, Sam saw CJ emerge from his hideout and run to the garage. What happened next really baffled Sam. CJ just stood in front of the garage door and it opened up automatically.

"He must have some sort of an electronic sensor on him somewhere," muttered Sam.

There were two cars in the garage, and they were both Merits; one was white and the other blue. He then saw CJ get into the white Merit and pull out of the garage. Sam immediately emerged from his hiding place and stopped in the middle of the street just as CJ was ready to peel down the road. CJ saw Sam standing there in the street, and suddenly he had to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting him. The Merit screeched to a halt a few inches from Sam, who cringed slightly.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" yelled CJ out the window. "I could have hit you!"

"Did you buy this car or did you steal it too?" asked Sam, arms folded in front of him.

"I found it parked in a lot. It looked nice, its fast, and I said 'what the hey, I could use some good wheels'".

"You're a Grade A criminal aren't you?"

"Who's asking?" said CJ with a smile. "But seriously man, you do not want to get tangled up in my affairs. San Andreas is too dangerous for out-of-towners. You don't want your family to be extorted for money, do you?"

Sam was shocked at that response. "Is that what happens around here? People getting extorted for money?"

"Or worse. You could end up in cement shoes at the bottom of the ocean".

"Geez, this place was so nice when my father brought me here when I was a kid. What happened?"

"Gangs invaded the area, mostly Ballas, and began to take over. It took awhile, but my brother Sweet and I, along with the rest of the Grove Street Hoods gang beat back the Ballas and now our gang owns this territory once again. Things have improved much after that, but there is still gang violence throughout the whole area. No one is completely safe. In fact, you probably shouldn't have left your wife and children alone in the middle of the street. There are lunatics in this area, you know".

"Well, you had better take me back to my family right away then," said Sam. He opened up the passenger's side door and got into the Merit. "Let's roll".

CJ put the Merit in gear and drove back to the red Perennial. He then looked over at Sam with a smirk on his face. "You really are from out of town, aren't you?"

"Is it really that noticeable?"

"Yeah".

"Well, it's just that I haven't been here in a long while. This place sure has changed".

"You get used to it".

It was Sam's turn to face CJ now. "Exactly why are you doing this for me?"

"Well, if I didn't do _something_ nice for you, you'd never get off my back about that BMX thing".

Sam thought about that for a moment. "Uh, thanks".

"Let's just forget about that whole incident, alright? Stealing is my life and I've had a tough time since I got back to San Andreas. I was thrown into one ordeal after another and it was probably for my own good that I got some sense knocked into me. Now, I have a feeling that after doing this favor for you, you're never going to leave me alone, so let me lay some ground rules. Okay, first, my name is Carl Johnson, but my friends call me CJ. It would be best to call me that so as to look good around me if we are going to be in this for the long haul. Call me Carl only when your wife is around. Second, in order to get on my good side, don't steal from me and don't mess with my girls, although I doubt you'll have much trouble there. Third, don't disrespect me or my homies as they will probably take offense at whatever you might say. Even though I'm helping you out, that doesn't mean that I'll run errands for you. I got my own social life to keep up. And fourth, if you do steal from me I will find you, one way or another. I've made a lot of friends and even more enemies and I think that you don't want to become an enemy of mine, because things don't go too well for my enemies if you know what I mean. Are we clear?"

Sam nervously gulped. "Yeah…I believe so".

"Good, 'cause we're here".

CJ had pulled up along the passenger side of the Perennial and immediately Charlotte started freaking out.

"What is he doing here?" said Charlotte pointing at CJ. "I thought the police had arrested him!"

"It's alright honey. Carl Johnson is a good guy and he just got off with a warning from the police about the bike," said Sam, winking at CJ.

"Cool! I've never met a felon before!" said Emily.

CJ had to hold back laughter as Charlotte scolded her daughter. "Emily, hush!" Turning toward CJ she said, "So, did you offer my husband a ride back to the car then?"

"Yeah, Carl was even nice enough to let us have the use of his Merit while the Perennial gets fixed up," said Sam.

"I did?"

Sam nudged CJ in the ribs.

"Ow! Oh yeah, I _did_". Leaning towards Sam, CJ whispered, "You had better not mess up my car".

"Don't worry, we'll take good care of it".

"Yeah, you better". Facing Charlotte again, CJ said, "You better unload your belongings into the Merit then".

"Okay kids, you heard Mr. Johnson. Let's unload the car".

The kids did as they were told and soon everyone was packed into the Merit. CJ got out and went over to the Perennial.

"I'm going to store your car in my garage until I can take it to a service station to be fixed". He knew that by parking a car in his garage any damage that had been done to it would be fixed automatically. He never fully understood why it happened and over time he just grew accustomed to it, like how his garage door opens automatically when he stands in front of it. He didn't want to mention this to Sam or Charlotte because he didn't want the police snooping around his property. After all, most of the stuff that he owns, including the cars, was previously stolen. That would really cause an uproar with the police and he didn't want to spend time in jail.

"Are you able to drive and steer a car with a flat tire?" asked Charlotte.

"Oh don't worry, I've done it hundreds of times before," responded CJ. He then scribbled directions and an address on a piece of paper and handed it to Sam. "Those are directions and the address to a town house I own in San Fierro on Bombardment Street. You can stay there instead of in a motel as they can be quite dirty in San Andreas. Just make sure that you leave it as you found it".

"Oh, honey this will be perfect! The reunion won't be until a week from now, and we'll have a place to stay for a couple of days! Thank you Mr. Johnson," said Charlotte.

"It was the least I could do considering that _Sam here_…," CJ put an emphasis on this, "…mentioned that you have the use of my car while you're here".

"And we'll promise to take good care of it as well, right kids?" said Sam.

"Right!" was the response.

Sam put the Merit in gear, and CJ watched as his car was being driven toward the highway.

"Thank you again for your kindness!" yelled Charlotte out of the passenger's window.

"Don't mention it!" CJ yelled back. He continued to watch the car until it was driven out of sight. When it finally disappeared, he climbed into the Perennial, and put it in drive. He then turned the car toward his Ganton hideout shaking his head with a concerned look on his face. "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

**Author's Note:** Well, I hope you like the first chapter! (It gets more interesting as the story progresses)


End file.
